I think (this) is truly touching and powerful, and moved me to a deeper understanding.I dated a my current girlfriend in '89 for about a year.  I knew I loved her, but since she wasn't 'The' package (blonde hair/blue eyes) I was looking for, I never told her I loved her and ultimately she ended the relationship because she decided (after I moved out of state in '90) that I would never love her as much as she loved me and ended our relationship when I moved back in '92. 
 I knew I loved her, but didn't have the courage to tell her because I believed I didn't really love her because I was looking for a different package deep in my mind.   
I moved back mostly because I missed her badly, but failed to communicate it verbally)
 
'93 she was dating, and ended up getting married. The guy she married walked out on her, cheated on her, etc.  He divorced her.   She feels extremely hurt. 
 
'95 I found out about her divorce from an old mutual friend.  We talked, I was in the middle of a stressful time, I was engaged and was realizing it was not right. So when my relationship was over, she wanted to date, but I wasn't ready and did stupid things, that caused her some serious doubt, especially sensitive after all she's been through with her divorce. 
 
'96 I heal and realize very fully, that I really, really want to date her, that I love, etc.

Give it a rest

But now she's too miserable (post divorce, and my mistakes) to want to date, and she ends up working 70 -80 hours a week to fill her waking hours.
 
December '98  We finally start dating again and thing

You are being selfish

s appear to be good.  But her overall enthusiasm toward me is so much more, I guess skeptical?, I'don't know for sure.  When we dated first in '89 she expressed every body language possible that said "I LIKE YOU!"  she laughed at anything I said, etc.   This whole story boils down to this question:  Am I crazy to think I can ever have the Love I had that first year when we dated?  or Can I get her to pursue me like she used to???!
 
I have told her I want to get married, etc., things seem to go so slow, I feel like giving up half of the time. 
 
Any insight you have to offer would be so kind

Patience is a virtue

.
 
Truly,
 
Rich