Mar is what my close friends call me.

For the sake of not sounding vain I won't tell you what I think about myself, but I will tell you that some of my friends have referred to me as being strong, intelligent, funny, sexy and loving. Thank God, I'm human.

I'm a twenty-something Black female who is part of a generation of young women who are becoming much more educated and self-reliant. As a nocturnal person I spend a lot of nights reading, writing or surfing the 'Net.'

Past Heartaches

Dating is something quite foreign to me. Like you, I too have problems with relationships. I've been lied to, jerked around, cheated on, slapped around, spanked ;) (You get the idea). Through it all you learn and observe as you go and when there's trouble you "pull the bull by the horn." For example my number one problem with relationships has always been that I have habit of attracting passive men.

After several years of unstable encounters with different guys, I finally experienced a serious relationship for about two years. Yes (sigh), it was with a passive man. I gave it my all, only to feel in the end like I had been betrayed. There was no intellectual stimulation, as usual I was always taking the initiative, and I felt I was the only one growing in the relationship. It took a long time, but through all the heartache I discovered that this was one of the best things that ever happened to me. What came out of it was learning a great deal about my wants and needs, and my self-esteem. My ultimate goal is not to choose the same type of man.

Someone For Each Person

My theory is that there is a soulmate out there for everyone, but the decisions we make and the people we become determine whether or not we are coming closer to them. Women and men are changing. Things don't function in the traditional way they used to. More and more women certainly aren't taking anymore crap from men. And some men don't know how to deal with an independent woman. Oh, the joys of the sexes.

Why I'm A Guest Panelist

I wanted to be a panelist on Love & Learn because it involves my two favorite subjects relationships and writing. I always think that two heads are better than one. This is a great forum for people to seek more than one opinion about their problems. There is no one good answer -- there can be a variety of excellent suggestions.