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Dear Hopelessly Waiting:
I sympathize with your problem; there are few things more painful
than being separated from a loved one. Although you are jumping
at the chance to reunite with your boyfriend, I can think of several
reasons why he might be dragging his feet when it comes to picking
up his life and re-locating to your neck of the woods.
Most obviously he could be a habitual procrastinator who has a
hard time getting ANYTHING accomplished, let alone a major life
change. If this is the case, a little gentle nudging in the right
direction might help speed things up; you could research housing,
plane fares, etc.
Another explanation for why your boyfriend has not taken action
is that he considers The Move still to be in a "discussion
phase" and has not finished weighing the pro's and con's. Has
he actually committed himself to moving, or has he merely agreed
with your suggestions? If he still considers The Move to be hypothetical,
it's important that you don't apply too much pressure. If forced
to make a decision before he is ready, he might wind up making a
mistake that you both have to live with.
I can think of yet another reason why he might be "taking
his grand ol' time" -- perhaps he really dislikes the
idea of moving but can't work up the nerve to be honest with you.
There are many reasons why he might not want to move. He might be
deeply attached to the place he is currently living, or perhaps
to his job or his family and friends. Perhaps transferring jobs
would involve a loss of salary or status. I'm sure you've also considered
the possibility that he's not emotionally ready to move in
with you yet. This doesn't mean that you aren't important to himI
it simply means that the two of you are in different stages of your
life and you need to give him time to catch up.
My friend Joe lived in a different state from his girlfriend during
all four years of college and he was miserable without her. When
they finally graduated she offered to move across the country to
be with him but, surprisingly, he wouldn't commit. He wasn't
happy being apart from her, but neither was he ready for "the
next step" -- moving in together.
My advice to you, Hopelessly Waiting, is to ask your boyfriend
what is holding him back. Make sure you really discuss every aspect
of The Move (rather than merely promoting it) and give him plenty
of opportunities to talk about his own concerns.
Suppress the urge to hurry his decision. A drastic life change
is NOT something either of you want to rush.
– MJ
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