Dear Miss Stupid-

The Ball Is No Longer in Your Court

Isn't it just fabulous that you never realize what you've got til it's gone?  Unfortunately, in this situation there isn't much that you can do¾the ball is no longer in your court.  You had the opportunity to do something about your relationship and now you have to face the fact that its over and he is moving on.  The best thing you can do is acknowledge that or you'll end up more upset and more alone. 

Believe me I know how it is: you listen to those love songs, maybe smoke cigarettes, maybe drink by yourself, all the while wondering how he could just give up on you so easily and already move on to another woman. But now think about him.  He was in a relationship with you for three years, only you had been distant for the last three or six or nine months of it.  He kept telling himself that he loved you and tried to give you opportunities to return the love but you had something else going on.

Right! Because he was getting the message that you didn't realize you were sending.

So even though you just broke up, for him it has been over for awhile.  

This new relationship may or may not work out.  Maybe he'll want you back.  Maybe he won't.  But for your own sanity, talking about it and thinking about it and focusing all of your energy on it isn't going to make it go back to how it was.  And even if you do have the chance of reconciliation, there will always be a rift in the relationship that may or may not heal. 

Right now you think that living 40 miles away is a bad thing, but think how you'd feel if he lived close and you saw him with her at a bar or restaurant.  For you the distance may actually help you move on. 

Let Him Know You Still Love him

But that could make her appear desperate.

Don't completely give up on him – let him know you still love him, and that you are sorry for being distant and that you should have realized it sooner, but leave it at that. 

I agree with Alicia. After three years together, I don't think it will make her seem desperate to tell him how she feels. .

Let him think about it. Let him have his space.  If you and he were meant to be, he will know it and he will come back.  If not, there are a lot of great guys out there and in time, the hurt and sadness will pass and you'll pick yourself up and start over again.

– Alicia