I fear losing my boyfriend...

My boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship, we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary in two days, and we both know that we love each other.

Anyway, in the past 3 or 4 months, I've found that it's becoming harder and harder to get off the phone or say goodnight after going out. I have this subconscious fear that he's going to dump me (he's told me 1000 times that he loves me no matter what and that he is not going to dump me; he gets irritated with my constant reply of "I'm just afraid of losing you to someone else," to his question of "what's wrong?" He can always tell when I'm upset) Or that he's going to leave and something terrible is going to happen I'm never going to see him again.

We used to spend loads of time together when we first started going out, which was just before our senior year in high school. We've both recently graduated, he just turned 19 and I'm almost 18, and he's recently gotten a job. I'd just like some advice on how to cope with my fear and the depression of not being able to see him as much as I used to. It's my fault and it's hurting our relationship and causing us both a lot of mental and emotional anguish. Please

Alicia Answers:

Dear SerNdypiT-

You are going to sabotage this relationship, and it seems that you already know it. I brought up this question to a friend, and he said that his last girlfriend was like you, but just as she was obsessed with the relationship, she became bored of it and she ended up being the one to end it.

It's okay to be blissful in a relationship, but fearing that bliss, an questioning it over and over, is gonna get old really quick.

Doing Your Own Thing

The way I dealt with my own similar fears early in my relationship was to do my own thing. Call friends and hang out. Go to the movies. Go do things that you used to do before you got with him. You'll realize that you don't always need to know where he is at every second, and eventually you'll have your own thing going on that you won't want to. At this point in your life, you are going to go through so many changes, everything will feel in disarray. With high school, you knew what you would do everyday and who you would see everyday. Now it's up to you to develop your own routine in your life. Are you going to college?

Yeah, he's moving forward and she has to do the same.

Are you going to work? Your relationship will only work if you allow it to transition with every other aspect of your life.

And BELIEVE me, be glad that your boyfriend has a job. He sounds like he's got some initiative and you should follow his lead.

The last thing is that in this society, we are taught to watch our backs, never trust anyone, that there is no such thing as perfect. But you know what? I believe there is. I believe my boyfriend is not perfect, but perfect for me. And I am much happier acknowledging that there is nobody I would rather be with, and that just as I have chosen him, he has chosen me. And just because everyone else in the world may be miserable doesn't mean that I shouldn't gloat in my happiness, nor that you shouldn't gloat in yours. Be ecstatic. Be in love.

She should relax before she messes everything up

But don't hold on too tight or you will strangle the very thing that makes you happiest.

Tell us what you think

Site Design by: