Reader Tamara Responds:
I agree entirely with Hope. This situation is practically
a type of deja vu for me.
My now ex-boyfriend and I went to different colleges, and
the situation wasn't so much as a fear of being dumped,
but getting what I should have out of the relationship.
There was always the issue of spending time together, and
giving me what I deserved.
I Don't Regret Parting
I'm so much happier now, because what we both needed was
to grow, and because we had different views of Godliness,
morality, values, and relationships requirements, we couldn't
grow together as one. I don't regret the fact that we parted,
because God wanted me to look at the big picture.
He Took Advantage of Me
In retrospect, I now realize what the problem was between
the both of us. Although, even now, I don't feel that I
requested too much of his time, I was, in essence, living
my life through him. He was aware of it, and covertly took
advantage of that. All my affection was unfortunately used
to keep me confused during a lot of the relationship. He
took advantage of the fact that he could treat the relationship
however he pleased, and I would always be there to put up
with him.
How Men Think
The key to being a female in any relationship, is to realize
how and what a man thinks. Men have (especially college
guys) a load of distractions going on, so you have to realize
that although the relationships is important, they rarely
put themselves on the back burner when it comes to giving
attention to the relationship, and giving that same attention
to themselves.
Neglecting Yourself
What I'm saying is, it seems that you neglect yourself
emotionally when a person becomes "your world."
Are you his? And if you have a great deal of fear about
"losing him," do you even have him now? Sometimes,
when you have nagging questions in the back of your mind,
they may be insecurities that you should work out with yourself,
because if you don't, you'll never enjoy building and maintaining
a strong relationship.
No One Can Make You Whole Except God
No one can make you whole, and secure, all these things
are done through God. Realize that your importance to your
boyfriend hasn't diminished, but he does have other things
that demand his time, so be careful not to selfishly demand
so much from him that neither of you can enjoy the relationship.
However, your fear could have a sound basis in the aspect
that you aren't getting what you deserve out of the relationships,
so you have a constant battle of feeling neglected, and
unappreciated. Saying "I love you," and showing
it are two entirely different things.
If he's showing you love, then pray, and do your best to
work faithfully through your insecurities, because after
a while, you'll notice that you can't enjoy a single thing
because you're afraid of being dumped. Both of you are young,
and need time to grow and mature. So, don't make permanent
decisions about temporary situations.
Keep in mind that being too emotionally focused on a relationship
will demand so much of your time and his that you kill the
love you have together.
Love Is Not a Feeling
Remember the Biblical verse of love. Love is not a feeling,
but actions based on who you really are inside. Love is
not selfish, or rude, or jealous, is not puffed up. The
latter is REAL love, it is Godly. We are so caught up in
feelings that we forget action.
Show your boyfriend the same love and respect that you
demand from him. However, if you feel that the relationship
is doing more harm then good, don't be afraid to step back
to find out what you need in a relationship to keep it healthy.
Some ingredients that we think are necessary aren't. And
others that we dismiss are the key to healthiness.
Give him space, maintain yours, pray, grow, and watch what
happens.
– Tamara A.
Female
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