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Dear
Confused Mid-30's Gal-
As romantic as all of this sounds, back off and give
it time. First of all, you just broke up with
your boyfriend (you did do it, right?). How about
allowing for a cooling off period? Second, maybe
you need some time alone to figure things out instead
of jumping into what sounds like an obsession with this
"fantsay man".
I know
how great it can feel when you see or talk to someone
that you once had the hots for, but people change, and
a lot of time has passed and sometimes is better to
regard that someone as the elusive one that got away
than to try out a relationship that isn't really right
for either of you. See my answer to "Should
I kiss my boyfriend's best friend?"
Lisa may only be 16, but I think your situation is similar.
You are jeopardizing your friendship with your ex and
with your fantasy man if you pursue this right away,
not to mention their friendship with each other.
If this guy is really everything you have ever wanted,
you can take it slow and eventually let him know how
you're feeling. Try asking him out instead
of saying, "I've been in love with you for the
past 9 years" (you don't want to sound desperate).
You shouldn't be scared of this the worst that can happen
is he maintains the "just friends" relationship, and you
end up where you are now. If it's right, it will
happen. Love has a funny way of working out.
Good luck and let me know what you decide!
-Alicia
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