|
If you're
wondering if this other man could be "the one for
you," then your current boyfriend may not be. Since
you're not engaged, there is no commitment so technically
you are free to find out exactly who you do want to
be committed to. And what better time is there to find
out?
 Figure
it out now before you are committed in marriage and it
is too late. But how?
What
I would do
First
things first: decide what it is you are looking for,
then decide whether or not your current boyfriend fits
the bill. Then worry about someone else.
You need to first decide --
 independently
of both men -- what qualities you desire in a future
husband, and then honestly assess the relationship you
have now and deal with that first. If you think he is
the one for you, then you must seek a commitment in
your heart to compare him to others who may look better
on the surface. But if he really isn't the one for you
(for the LONG term), then you can cut the ties with
him and freely pursue other relationships without the
tangled mess of another man dangling on the line.
 The
grass is greener on the other side.
One very important thing to consider -- you can't compare
the passion in a 5 year relationship to the passion
you might feel for someone you have just met recently.
It's human nature that something looks better when we
can't have it. We trick ourselves time and time again
into thinking that the grass is greener on the other
side. There is mystery and romance in something new,
and that is hard to compete with.
So ask
yourself this: what do you think the passion would be
like with this other man after you marry him and live
together for five years? If you have a good marriage,
the passion will be there, and will grow stronger, but
it will be a different kind of passion - the more mature,
secure love that comes from a lasting friendship and
the intimacy of marriage. (See my answer for "Is
it OK to lust?")
What
I wouldn't do
Now
for what won't work (in my opinion) -- dating both of
them at the same time. That might get complicated, and
will probably invoke anxiety and jealousy. You will
inevitably find the newer "secret" relationship
more exciting at first(again, it's human nature). And
if you get physically involved, that will create an
even bigger mess... How can you honestly and objectively
sort out your feelings with the complications of an
intimate relationship? That is too dangerous. Keep things
on a friendship level!
And whatever you decide to do, I would also suggest
telling the truth about your intentions. If you aren't
prepared to be honest, then don't do it. The truth has
a way of inevitably coming out, and that -- dishonesty
-- has the most potential to ruin your friendship with
your current boyfriend.
|
