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Dear Panel,

The first time that I was with this guy was 4 years ago, and we have been "hot and cold" ever since.  He is a very, very good friend of mine and I truly don't know what I would do if I lost him.  It has been one of the bumpiest roller coster rides there is, but also one of the funnest! 

Most recently, I told him that I loved him in a very, very drunken state. He did not say anything back (but we were with each other that night).  [...]

The best thing to do is probably run for the exit, but for some reason, I can not let go of him. yelbtblk.gif

What do you think I should do??

Drunken Love

Judith Answers:

I disagree, the handwriting is on the wall, the guy used her.

Before you can decide what to do about this guy, you have to figure out how you feel about him.

 

I agree

guestFtin.gifIf you truly care about him romantically, you should go for a romantic relationship.  Put it all out on the table.  Let him know you care about him and want something more and won't be satisfied with anything other than a romantic relationship (and if you want committed too, you better say that as well!)

If you care about your friendship more, and can be satisfied with him being a friend, tell him that too.  But you have to be prepared to draw the line at being just a friend.  You can't give in to that latent lust that seems to surface with alcohol!!  You need to see the relationship as one with a friend (try modelling it after one of your other friendly relationships).  The good thing about being friends is you can call him up and say hey, I thought we were friends, why are you avoiding me?  And be honest with him that way.

If the rollercoaster is just too much for you to decide right now, give yourself a break.  Tell yourself "this week I am going to take a vacation from the soap opera and just try to be calm".  Then at the end of the week, re-assess.  How did it feel to not be constantly up and down?  Were you able to stay away from thinking about him, or did your thoughts constantly drift back to the two of you together?  Then you may have figured out which direction to go next.

-- Judith

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