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Dear Panel,

 I'm 13, is it normal to be afraid of a relationship because of non experience?  Everyone one i know has gone pretty far for their age. thanx...

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grossie pointie rookie

Judith Answers:

Of course it is normal.  Relationships are scary, even for people who have "experience" - being vulnerable to another person is never easy. What you call "experience" is also scary - particularly if you've been hearing a lot of stories from your friends, TV, and even parents and teachers, and none of the stories seem to match.

If you are scared, that is your instincts telling you that you are not quite ready to jump into a new situation.  Trust your instincts - if you learn how to trust them now you will save yourself a lot of pain later on in life (believe me, I know plenty of adults who haven't learned how to trust their instincts yet and it has caused them nothing but heartache!)

Take your time and go at a pace that is comfortable for you.  Or don't go at all - there is plenty of time to change your mind later.  (Although if you choose to move too fast you CAN'T take that back!)

The best people to ask for advice and to ask questions about their experiences are adults you trust.

The best one to ask is God.

  yelbtblk.gifParents are good, but so are aunts, uncles, older siblings, or even a teacher you are close to.  Everyone else your age is still trying to figure things out themselves, so may not be the most reliable sources of information.
 

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