Gillian Answers

Dear Panel,

I've been with my boyfriend for two years. We both just started college at colleges that are only twenty minutes apart. At first we were doing good, but now he says he needs time alone and he does not want to go out with me right now. It is driving me crazy. I miss him so bad, but i don't want to be desperate and get on his nerves. He says he still loves me a lot, but he just can't do this right now. How can I understand him and what should I do?

I can't imagine being without him. We have shared so much together and I'm not ready for it to be over. He refuses to talk about this in person because he says it's different when we're together and that would make it harder on him. Should I make him see me, at least if it is to end it? He said he doesn't know if he made the right decision and I think that seeing eachother will help him see that it is

a mistake

heartbroken in college

Gillian Answers:

If you love him, you really need to listen to him right now. He is telling you in the kindest way possible that he needs to take a break. It may be for the long-term, or it may not

It doesn't sound like he is confused - it sounds like he is on the prowl.

-- it sounds as if he is confused about what he wants. But for whatever reason, he is taking a step away from your relationship and you need to respect that.

I know that you want to be with him, and you must be missing him a lot. But if you two are to be together, it needs to be something that happens naturally, without forcing the matter. He does sound unsure about his decision, but that is something he needs to work through on his own. You wouldn't want to be with someone who was feeling doubts about being with you, would you?

It will be tough at first, but start concentrating on other areas of your life. Put some energy into your new life at school -- make new friends, join an organization, go to parties you're invited to. Study.

And the fact that it's raining men will make it even esaier.

No waiting by the phone. You won't forget about him, but having other things to do and think about will make things easier, I promise.

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