Alicia Answers

Dear Panel,

I love my fiance very much. The problem is, though, that she was my first but I was her second, so our first time was two totally different experiences. And, we will never be able to share that moment together. Also, everytime I think about it, I also get these mental pictures of "them." He turned out to be abusive to her and the last months were very bad and she says that there's not a day that goes by that she doesn't wish she could take it all back. I want to know how to get over my hangups though, because it's ruining our sex life. Everything was fine until today when it finally bothered me so much that I had to bring it up. Up until now, she was fine and I tried not to think about it so much. Please help me see that it's just us now.

Thank you.

troubled sex life

Alicia Answers:

Dear Troubled Sex Life-

You are in control of your own troubled sex life. Technically you are both relatively inexperienced in terms of sexual experience.

What do you mean it is God's way? It's wrong to have sex before marriage.

That is not bad, and I'm sure that Hope would say that is God's way, but really, just get over it.

Be Worried if She Talks about Her Ex

My guy keeps talking about his ex, should I be worried?

If your fiancée was talking about her ex, be worried. If she was comparing you to him, be angry. But ruining your own sex life because she was honest with you about having sex with somebody else is completely ridiculous. I'm sure that when you met her 99% of what attracted you to her had nothing to do with sex, so why are you going to focus on it now?

My question for you is why are you going to marry her? Do you love her enough to get over this minor thing or are you going to dwell on it and bring it up over and over again throughout your married life? Think serious about if you really love her or if you just want to possess her. The tone of your question makes me think you have a lot of thinking to do before you commit to somebody for the long term. Everybody has hang-ups and everybody has skeletons, even if they are not of a sexual nature, but if you let yours own you, you will

devastate your relationship.

I'm in the same situation except that I'm the one that's not the virgin.

Either let it go, or she is gonna let you go

-Alicia

I disagree. Based on experience, I think that forgetting is for the best.

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