You are asking 2 questions here, and they are interrelated.
The first question is about good vs bad friendship guidelines,
but the second question is about feeling uncomfortable
with self-disclosure.
I don't usually think about friendship in terms of
"guidelines". The "Guidelines"
concept feels too rigid for me. My friendships
are based on "liking" other people, often
in conjunction with common activities, for how else
can you meet someone? So there is always SOME
commonality between my friends and me.
But I have different types of
friends. I have tennis buddies, dance buddies,
volleyball buddies, and closer friends who may share
more activities/feelings with me.
Now
clearly I don't need a lot of guidelines in choosing my
tennis friends. They may be on the same skill level as
me and don't complain if I win a match. And if they
do complain or trash talk more than I do, then not only
do I not have to be their friend, but I do not have to
play tennis with them.
But you bet I would feel uncomfortable with a whole
bunch of self-disclosure with one of my casual tennis
buddies. And yet, when I've known someone for
a longer time, and their interests span more activities
with me, we get to know each other better and grow into
sharing more. Some of my casual tennis buddies
have grown into being very close friends.
Now all this rambling gets us back to your question
again. "Guidelines" seems a little too
stringent to determine friendships. Friendships
should form naturally from communicating with people
who seem nice and share commonalities with you.
Close friendships can grow over time as people share
their thoughts more. But if you feel like you
are forced into self-disclosures that you are uncomfortable
with, then you shouldn't give out that information--you
should be comfortable with and within your friendships.
If you find that you never
feel comfortable with anyone enough to share at least
some of your feelings, then you probably have issues
with trust, bonding, and relating. If this is
true, then you may want to deal with these issues through
therapy, support groups, and activities directed towards
allowing you to build that necessary trust.
Lefty
PS: Also check out what I told Monica
about platonic friendships.