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I think you
were correct in telling him to get lost. You don't deserve
to be with someone who can't decide if he wants you or not.
Either he does, or he doesn't. After three years, he should
know! It sounds like you realized this because you saw the
situation objectively and were honest with yourself. Good
for you - that takes a lot of courage!
I also sympathize
with your pain. Breaking up with someone you love is the hardest
thing in the world to do it seems. But if it's the right thing
to do, you have to stick with it and allow yourself some time
to heal. If you get back together with him, you are only delaying
the inevitable and making it much harder to break up the next
time. Make a clean break now and stick to it. Trust me - it
will make things easier in the long run!
I had a situation
very similar to yours -- a relationship that was on and off
for several months. I knew deep down inside that I needed
to leave because he was treating me very poorly and waffled
back and forth on his commitment. I knew I needed to move
on, but my feelings were so intense that I kept coming back
to the relationship, in hopes that things would be different.
They only got worse every time... When I made a clean break
(no phone calls, no letters, no "chance" encounters),
then I was able to truly move on with my life and forget about
him. I hope you are able to also!
Here are some
things that really helped me along the way:
- I gave
my life to Christ shortly after the breakup. I was so depressed
and down on myself, and I knew I could not handle this one
on my own. I needed God to pick up the pieces of my life
and rebuild it. He not only did that, but brought me a wonderful,
loving husband, too!
- I invested
more energy and time into my family and friendships. They
gave me such comfort!
You might
also develop a new hobby or take a class you've always wanted
to take to focus your energy on something positive. But whatever
you do, don't allow your thoughts to trail off to him. That
will only weaken your resolve and entice you to go back, if
he should come around again.
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