Lefty Answers

Dear Panel,

I am recovering from a horrible break-up with my ex. Everything used to be great. But a year ago, since I moved to another city and began my own life, it's been down hill. We broke up, and got back together three times during that period. It seems as if, he pulls me back in, then pushes me away really hard. Recently, we had a weekend getaway where we talked a lot about our relationship. It was promising. He said he wanted to work on things. But within a week, he was saying he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me, and he still wanted to see other people. I told him to get lost. We have not spoken for a couple of weeks. But I'm miserable. I really love him. It really hurts me that he can treat me so horribly. We were together 3 years! We discussed marriage. Now he says he doesn't know if he want s to marry me. What went wrong? Am I just a whiner?

Heart Broken 4-ever

Lefty Answers:

Dear Heart Broken 4-ever,

Why on earth would you ask if you are a whiner? Of COURSE you're a whiner. We're all whiners. Country singers have been singing about your situation for YEARS with little whines in their voices. One song comes to mind instantly, something about "my boyfriend has me locked up in chains".

If you've been close to marriage with you ex, been with him for 3 years, and had a traumatic breakup, of COURSE you're hurting. Especially with these good and bad messages he's putting out. You've got a right to feel bad, traumatized, hopeful, despondent, and everything else all at once.

I think you started out on the right track. Starting fresh in a new city seems to me to be a good way to make a clean break. Unfortunately, all the baggage seems to have made the trip too.

But there were no problems before she moved.

There are a couple of suggestions I can make for this situation.

Tell your ex that you want to separate from him for a certain time period, like 4 months, and see if your feelings solidify one way or the other.

Tell your ex you will see him every other weekend on dates and try to go out with other guys too

I vote for the clean break.

Make the break clean and dump him
Go on like you've been doing.

But you have to decide what you want. It sounds to me like you want someone you can depend on in a monogamous relationship, and that your ex isn't the one.

Lefty

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