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Dear Panel,

 I am in a four year relationship with a guy who is the same age (20). We are both very much in love and our sex life is great.We gave our virginity to each other. Recently, he told me that if I ever slept with another man and regretted it, he would be angry but would forgive me because he loves me so much and he knows that I am still young. I haven't been interested in sleeping with anyone else (despite my numerous guy-friends), so when he asked me what I'd do if he sleeps with another girl, I was really hurt. He said he would never cheat on me but he asked in case he got really drunk and made a mistake. What totally broke my heart is the fact that he accepts the possibility (which I believe makes him more susceptible to do it) and expects me to be as forgiving as he would be with me. I think he is influenced by his friends. Most of his friends are not in steady relationships and have had more than one lover. Guy and I are happy together and are always spicing up our sex lif! e. We have never pressured each other to be tied down and always give each other enough space. All this time, monogamy has been absolutely mutual and sex has always been a special thing between us. I feel so hurt and betrayed that now my trust has faded and I feel like I want to disappear out of his life without

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warning, but find it so difficult to leave him. What can I do? Please help me!

Kassia

Alicia Answers:

Bull! If he asks this after 4 years, something is definitely wrong.

 You are responding exactly as you should, but I think, as hard as it may be, you need to appreciate what he is trying to do. 

Guy is right in his own way.  He is acknowledging that you are both young and things can happen, whether you prepare for them or not.  I understand that it hurts that he told you this, but in this day and age where we know far too much about everything, it is hard to NOT overanalyze things and prepare for the ultimate failure of relationships. 

Personally, after loads of psych classes and general life lessons learned, I can meet somebody and feel like I can almost instantly identify where a relationship would fail with them.

I don't think Guy, after four years, is trying to hurt you,  rather in his dumb guy way is trying to let you know that he loves you (or thinks he does) unconditionally, and in essence is asking if you feel the same. 

Tell us what you think Respond

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