Lefty Answers

Dear Panel,

I am in a four year relationship with a guy who is the same age (20). We are both very much in love and our sex life is great.We gave our virginity to each other. Recently, he told me that if I ever slept with another man and regretted it, he would be angry but would forgive me because he loves me so much and he knows that I am still young. I haven't been interested in sleeping with anyone else (despite my numerous guy-friends), so when he asked me what I'd do if he sleeps with another girl, I was really hurt. He said he would never cheat on me but he asked in case he got really drunk and made a mistake. What totally broke my heart is the fact that he accepts the possibility (which I believe makes him more susceptible to do it) and expects me to be as forgiving as he would be with me. I think he is influenced by his friends. Most of his friends are not in steady relationships and have had more than one lover. Guy and I are happy together and are always spicing up our sex lif! e. We have never pressured each other to be tied down and always give each other enough space. All this time, monogamy has been absolutely mutual and sex has always been a special thing between us. I feel so hurt and betrayed that now my trust has faded and I feel like I want to disappear out of his life without

warning, but find it so difficult to leave him. What can I do? Please help me!

Kassia

Lefty Answers:

Dear Kassia,

Hmmm...this is a tough one. If I could know what people are really thinking when they say something, I'd be smarter than the average bear. Except that animals can often read our emotions better than we can.

For your boyfriend to start pondering these "hypotheticals" might lead me to believe that he's thinking about more than just "ifs".

I vote for the clean break.

And no, being drunk, in my opinion, is no excuse for "making a mistake". For someone to be that drunk without intent, he'd have to be an alcoholic, and then you'd have other problems. But getting drunk is something you can put the blame on if you do decide to experiment.

It seems a little odd to end a four-year relationship on the basis of one discussion about what could be hypothetical. In a real long-lasting relationship, crises do occur. The way you meet these crises says something about the quality of the relationship and the respect you have for each other.

You are both pretty young, relatively speaking, and have probably not been in any other quality relationship.

But there were no problems before she moved.

Try to decide what you want out of this relationship, see if there are other things bothering you, and talk it out with your boyfriend.

Lefty

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