Mare Answers

Dear Panel,

Two and a half weeks ago, my girlfriend of two years decided to break up with me. We met in law school when I was in my tthird and final year and she was in her first year. We have been long-distance since August of 1998.

We were doing fine with the long-distance thing. We saw one another every two or three weeks. I had been planning on moving to NY (where she lives) for some time. I took the NY bar exam and have been interviewing in NY for the past couple of weeks. I finally received a second interview from a law firm and when I told her, she didn't seem very excited.

She told me that she was feeling "too much pressure to get married" and that she didn't want me moving to New York. [...]

Her parents went through a bitter divorce some five years ago and she has never really dealt with it. She is not close with her siblings and she has what I consider a huge fear of commitment. She said she doesn't know if she wants to get married, which is OK. [...]. I am trying to give her space, but I don't want to give her too much space for fear that things will fade away. What should I do??

Moving to NYC Anyway

Mare Answers:

Move to New York. You want to be king of the hill. You want to wake up in a city that never sleeps.

Why would anyone want to live in NY?

You want to be a part of it -- New York, New York. Seriously, it's a great city and you'll have a great time.

However, you have to keep one thing in mind. Your (ex?)girlfriend may not want to rekindle the relationship when you get there. No matter how great the relationship was, she is pulling back. She may have many reasons for doing it. It may be tied to her parents divorce. It may be something else. The point is: she's not encouraging the relationship.

So, don't move to New York just because you're picturing romantic walks along Central Park, holding hands at the new screening of a documentary at the Angelica, or getting married at St. Patrick's. Of course, you'll want to see your ex-girlfriend and see what transpires. But if it doesn't work out, there are so many other fishes in the sea! Go out and find one that wants to love you back.

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