Alicia Answers

Dear Panel,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 4 months. I am 23 and have been in one long term relationship before (one in which I was emotionally devastated following our breakup). My boyfriend is 22 and has never been in a relationship longer than a couple of months. I am always questioning his faithfulness and dedication to our relationship. He has never done anything to make me believe that he would ever cheat on me or leave me for someone else, but I fear that my own insecurities are driving him away.

This week an old "good" friend of his is coming to town. She moved away before they became an item and she has since declared her feelings for him. He told me that she is coming to town next week and he wants to spend as much time as possible with her since he hasn't seen her for 2 years. It is driving me insane! What do I do? I want to forbid him from seeing her, but I know that will only cause more problems. He thinks that I don't trust him, but I think it's her hold over him that I am so scared of.

What should I do?

Torn

Alicia Answers:

Your jealousy will kill your relationship. If you cannot learn to trust your boyfriend and believe him, your jealousy will grow to an unhealthy peak and you will ruin your relationship. It is risky and hard to trust somebody, but you have to put yourself out there. Especially if he hasn't given you any reason to believe he would cheat on you.

On the other hand, your boyfriend isn't being sensitive to your feelings. He should, without you asking, have offered for you to meet and do things with he and his old friend. You might even grow to like her, and you would feel more comfortable with the idea of her spending time alone with your man. While with her, his body language will indicate to you if you have anything to worry about. Whatever you decide, eventually the two of you will have to find middle ground or your relationship will surely fail.

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