Answers:

Dear Lorraina,

There are some people who are comfortable with their partners looking at pornography and others, like myself who cringe. When my recent relationship began to fail, I became more keenly aware of things that were harmful to our relationship. 

Pornography Can Make Women Feel Inferior

Among other things, I drew a direct correlation between my boyfriend looking at pornography with the infrequency of us having sex.  As a woman, pornography can make us feel objectified and inferior.

It's Not Sinful or Dirty, It's My Own Insecurity

But it IS sinful.

On the other hand, I also had to acknowledge that since I don't find pornography "sinful" or "dirty", my problem actually lay in my own insecurities and not feeling like I compared to these airbrushed women in the magazines. 

I was so inscure, I had to get counseling with my boyfriend.

I had to think that I was still the one he came home to at night, not the women on the glossy pages.

It is up to you to decide what is important to you. Decide if John is really the guy for you. If he can't give up porn for you, maybe it's time to let him go. Or, decide if you can live with it, but if you do, you have to refrain from bringing it up again. 

Leave Gary Out of It

In the meantime, leave Gary out of the picture until you decide what you want to do with John. Be honest with John and let him know he risks losing you if he can't let go of the porn.

– Alicia

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