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My lover loves porno. Should I love others?
Hope said:

If your boyfriend needs to look at other girls to satisfy him, his heart couldn't be with you, especially since this is obviously hurting you.

A Reader responds:

It's possible to love someone and have sexual fantasies at the same time.

Date People Who Share Your Views

Regarding what you are comfortable with, you should be in a relationship with someone whose views mesh with your own. Don't date someone who doesn't respect your feelings or share them.Some people of both sexes don't tolerate porn of any kind; others join swingers clubs with their partners. I know where I fall in that spectrum and I'll try to date people in the same place as me.

Porn Is Not Real

Also...porn is not real. I do have problems with porn, but in the same way I have probs with TV advertisements, commercialism and lottery tickets. They create false "needs" and turn everything into something that can be bought. It ALL objectifies ALL of us (man, woman, and child).

Separating the Medium from Reality

Still--the healthy among us know the claims are fake and the movies are just stories and that porn is not reality. It's similar to music. I don't think healthy teens go out and shoot their classmates becuase they hear a song--they've got to already have a lot of problems to begin with.

Too Hard To Control Everything

You can't control everything--your boyfriend can fantasize just as well watching Baywatch and it would be hard to police everything...The problem is you can't define porn well enough and we all have different threshholds.

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