Jody Answers

Dear Panel,

If I am "dating" a younger man who calls sporadically, has never taken me out on a real date, and, of who, seems to only be interested in talking and sex (not necessarily in that order), but seems to have some intelligence and potential, how can I re-route the relationship into one more meaningful? Do men need to be told what's good for them or should I bow out now with some remaining self-respect?

looking for love in all the wrong ages

Jody Answers:

Dear Looking for love,

My first question is, "How much younger?" I also wonder what it is about your relationship with this young man that leads you to describe it as "dating". If he doesn't call, doesn't take you out, and only wants to have sex, perhaps, he only wants to have sex. This is not a relationship. This is a cheap lay.

Why are you involved with him? What are you getting out of the relationship? Is the sex that good? It sounds as if this man is a project not a soulmate. You describe him as having "potential" and imply that you "know what's good for him." What does he have potential for? What are you trying to make him into? You are not his mother. No matter how young he is, only he can decide what is good for him. You can not create from him the man that you want, no matter how young and impressionable he may be.

In order for a relationship to be successful,

But first she should at least "suggest" what she wants.

you must accept each other AS IS.

Perhaps he will change, but he could change for the worse, from your perspective. Ask yourself, "Is this the man that I want, right now, as he is?" IF not, get out.

Something similar happened to me.

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