Dear Mixed-up,

Boyohboyohboyohboy. This letter has serious impact for me.

First of all, what's there to understand? It seems very natural to me that you feel the way you do. Let's imagine, for a second, that Bobby has no serious health concerns. You haven't seen him in 3 months. There are lots of interesting guys running around at college. Your hormones are raging. You'd like to meet more people because you're shy. You don't want to spend your time just going to school and working. All of that is perfectly understandable, Especially from the viewpoint that you've been dating someone you've known since the eighth grade, and probably would like to see other boys, even if you like Bobby very much. Pretty understandable.

Now throw in Bobby's serious health condition. I can see why you'd feel terribly guilty for having these thoughts at this time. I mean, shouldn't your only concern at this time be Bobby's health and welfare?

The answer is, "No". That's NOT your only concern. People are multifaceted creatures, and we can deal with joy and despair and guilt and fulfillment all at once, because that's the real world and these things can happen all at once.

If you're Bobby's very good friend, why can't you continue to be supportive, by calling him as much as you are able, e-mailing him, visiting him whenever possible, and trying to help him through his difficult situation? But at the same time, trying to make your own life enriched through meeting new people and growing socially? I know it's hard when you have a close friend who has major problems, but that is sometimes the deal we get handed in life.

Now the reason I particularly feel for you, is that I've gone through a similar situation with my ex-girlfriend. We had been dating for a long time and our relationship was not moving forwards. Then she developed a life-threatening illness and I experienced the same emotions that you seem to be going through. There were some differences in my relationship, however, and eventually, my ex-girlfriend dumped me for someone who might be more compatible with her.

So be aware that although you are in a situation which is hard for you, that it is not a unique situation. I believe that you can be a good person by trying to meet responsibilities to yourself and to your good friend. Good Luck.

Lefty