Hope Answers

There's a boy(T.) at school that likes me very much, and now I also like him very much. We call each other almost every day. But the problem is that T.'s got a lot of problems at home. That's why he don't always have time for me. T. says I have to be patient with him. But we still aren't a couple yet, and I'm getting a little tierd, I'm waiting more than 2 months; T. says then that I have to wait for him.

He comes now almost not more to school because of all his problems at home. I know that he loves me very much, and I him. But yesterday we went on a trip with school and I spent the whole day with a boy(D.) from my year.

We've got a lot of fun, I realy had a great time!! In the bus, I was sitting next to him, and we fell a sleep, and I lay on him, he embrased me and laid his head against mine. Most people in school think that we are a couple now, because of what they saw in the bus. The problem is now that I am also falling in love with him. Now I don't know anymore who to chose. I don't date with none of them; from T. I'm very sure he loves me, and from D., I think so. But I love them

BOTH!!! Who do I have to choose???!!!

Ikke

Hope Answers:

There's no way anyone can make that choice for you. But I will tell you what I have told others at Love n Learn: take your time to get to know this new guy and don't rush things. You sometimes see a person more clearly after some time has passed and the person's true qualities begin to emerge from the cloud of infatuation (and especially when he is no longer on his "best behavior").

What I would do

Woah! It's too early to worry about future husband.

First things first: decide what qualities you desire in a relationship, and more importantly, in a future husband, then decide whether or not "T" fits the bill. Then worry about someone else. You must honestly assess the relationship you have now and deal with that first.

What I wouldn't do

She should date both.

Now for what won't work -- dating both of them at the same time. That might get complicated, and will probably invoke anxiety and jealousy. You will inevitably find the newer relationship more exciting at first (it's human nature). And if you get physically involved, that will create an even bigger mess... How can you honestly and objectively sort out your feelings with the complications of an intimate relationship? That is too dangerous. Keep things on a friendship level!

Regardless of which one you choose, you need to be very careful that you understand what you are feeling for this new guy (D). It is probably just infatuation. It may be curiosity or the temporary excitement you feel over having someone pay special attention to you. (And I doubt you could truly love him, after only one day spent with him and a bus ride.) Whatever it is, you need to seriously examine your feelings to try to figure out if it is merely a crush or if there is something deeper there, which will only truly develop over a longer period of time anyway.

So while I am not sure what you should do, I do know what I think you shouldn't do: you shouldn't sneak around. You shouldn't base an important decision on feelings of infatuation or a "crush" which often fades over time. And you shouldn't jump into a relationship before you have had time to develop a solid friendship and really get to know who this person is.

One final thought: it sounds as though T has some serious problems he needs to work out in his life, ones which will affect your relationship. On the other hand, D had not formally declared his feelings for you, so you don't know if he is even interested in dating you. So slow down and enjoy his friendship. In time, you will know what his feelings are, and then you will also know the direction your other relationship with T is headed.

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