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Being affectionate or romantic or whatever won't do
it. You will be affectionate, you will be romantic, but you
won't be laid. This romantic garbage only works before
you are married
.
After you are committed to supporting each other for the
rest of your life, things change. Married people don't
have sex when the are in a romantic mood or an affectionate
mood. They have sex when they are in the mood TO HAVE SEX.
You want to have sex more frequently than you do now.
Your wife does not. Given this last fact, FIND OUT WHY!
How? Ask her, say, "I would really like us to
have sex more frequently than we do now." "How can we make
this possible?" You have to be extremely sincere in
asking these questions. It buys you two things:
Your wife becomes aware (really becomes aware) of the fact
that this is something that's bothering you (do not make this
into guilt thing, this is something that's making you unhappy
and your wife should know it) The second thing it buys
you is a conversation about sex, which is always good, and
perhaps, an answer to your second question.
The most likely response will be along the lines of "too
tired", "too busy" or "not in the mood". Now,
the answer is predictable and not as important as the fact
that your wife is now aware of what's going on in your head,
but you do have to act on her response (deeds not words).
If she really is too tired, help her out. Become aware of
her physical daily life and make her day a little easier (hey,
you are the one who wants to get laid , she doesn't have to
make your day easier). She's too busy? Again , observe
her day, find out what's going on and help her a bit.
She's not in the mood? Well, this is a negated response,
NOT in the mood (to have sex) does not give you information
you can use. Find out (carefully) how she DOES feel,
not how she does NOT feel. The typical response will
be "too tired", "too busy".
If the response from your questions fall anywhere near the
ballpark of "not enjoyable" you got problems. Fortunately,
the solution IS enjoyable. It involves many more ask and answer
questions. You ask, she answers, this has to be done when
you are partially or completely naked and rolling around on
the bed. I think you can figure out what the questions
should be.
Look, you
will not get a direct response if the answer really
is "not enjoyable". But there are some ways you can deduce
this answer. One writer on this site referred to the
act of sex as the big
..F..
this is ok if you are a single person, if you are married
and referring to sex as a "big" anything you have a
big problem. In best case it denotes a sense of apprehension,
at worse it denotes fear, both cases implicitly suggest
sex as something other than completely enjoyable.
To a married couple sex is as natural, enjoyable, and as fun
as any other activity they share with each other. But
I digress, the answer to your questions will more than likely
be "too tired" etc, so lets continue with the solution to
that:
When you are helping her out with her busy, tiring life you
have to be casual about it. "No problem, sweety" should
be the only thing that leaves your lips when asked why you
did these nice things for her. DO NOT over do it, do not be
taken advantage of, make her day a little easier, not simpler.
She will be grateful, she will be less tired, she will be
less busy, she will know you think enough of her to
take the time and DO these things for HER. You will get sex,
lots of it. Unfortunately, you may be to tired
to want it.
a man
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