Dear Daisy,

I'm rather surprised at the lack of maturity displayed by both your mother and your boyfriend. They are acting like children fighting on the playground. Your boyfriend is now threatening to hold his breath until he turns blue, or until he gets his way, whichever comes first.

Not that this is entirely his fault. Your mother, after all, suggested that he move in with you two, when in reality she didn't want that. If she was "not feeling morally comfortable" with him living with you, she should never have extended the invitation in the first place. Your mother lost her right to complain.

The Ultimatum Is Not Justified

Your problem, however, is in large part because that didn't stop her. I don't think that justifies your boyfriend's ultimatum. I can understand his being hurt and surprised by your mother's statement, but it does not justify shutting her out of your home forever.

Call His Bluff

If you see yourself marrying him (and I would take a good, hard, critical look at that right now if I were you), you need to call his bluff.

There's no need to take a stand. She should just let it blow over.

Tell him that you understand that your mother hurt his feelings, that she was wrong to lie about her true feelings, and that you're upset by your mother's actions as much as he is. But you will not agree with his ultimatum, and if he stands by it, he will be standing alone.

She doesn't need distance. They need to come together to talk it through.

In the future, it will be reasonable to expect that they treat each other with civility. But if it's at all possible, move out on your own. Some distance will hopefully help the situation.

Good luck,

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