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I
am tired of forgiving my boyfriend for saying and doing things
that are hurtful to me. The story of our relationship
is just too long to get into, but it has been violent in the
past. He has made great strides to overcome his immaturity/anger
problems, and we are currently in counseling together.
 Things
have been going very well with our family (we have a 17 mo.
old son), and though we live in separate places, we have begun
to make plans to move back in when my lease is up in May,
2000.
Out
of the blue, last night he asks me if I have had any sexual
relations with anyone other that him since we have been together
(this was discussed when we first got back together and at
our first counseling session). I immediately answered
no and asked him where that question came from.
He
says he noticed some kind of bump on his genitalia, something
he claims he has never had before, and that he wanted to
make sure that it was not some V.D. he may have gotten from
me. He continued that it was just a question, and that
the doctor may ask him such questions, even though he really
has no way of knowing for sure.
I
was hurt, insulted, and really pissed that he even had the
nerve to ask me that, but I didn't say so at the time.
We got off the phone, so that allowed me to think about it
for a while. Please note that after all this man has put me
through I have never been with another man, even during our
almost 3 month separation.
We
have known each other since high school and he knows what
kind of person I am (I am 28, he is 29). I have really
tried hard to forgive the past hurts he has caused so that
our family could be together, but it is very hard. I
still have severe lower back pains from one of the physical
attacks. I was well on my way to getting over those
things.
He
called me back about 1.5 hours later but I was (noticeably)
still upset. He didn't ask what was wrong, so I felt
I need to say that I was hurt by his question, I felt like
my integrity was in question for no reason, and that I thought
that our relationship was at a higher level of trust than
that. His response was that it was only a question (I shouldn't
be upset by it). I continued to explain my hurt feelings,
but his response was the same. I was only making myself
angrier, so I just stopped talking altogether to avoid an
argument.
 By
that time he was ready to go to bed, and I asked him if he
has some sort of a problem apologizing to people when he hurts
them, and he said he thought he apologized already.
I told him that if he did I didn't hear him. He repeated
that he did. So we just got off the phone.
Sorry
that this is so long, but I really want to know:
a) should I be upset at all?
b) what should I do now?
c) how do I forgive a person who does not ask for forgiveness?
- Exhausted |
