Dear Frustrated,

Sexual incompatibility can be frustrating especially if the rest of the relationship seems to be going well. I would recommend that you first check and see how the verbal and nonverbal communication is doing in your relationship. Troubles there often manifest themselves as sexual difficulties. If everything there checks out, there are several possibilities.

Your girlfriend should see her gynecologist. Many young women experience discomfort during or after sex that can make it unpleasant. If this is her first sexual experience, your semen may sting when it contact the tiny tears that are made in the vaginal wall during intercourse. A doctor can recommend exercises as well as medications that help if there is a physical problem.

A second option is that there is a psychological reason for her reticence. Perhaps she was raised with a respect for the sanctity of marriage and a feeling that sex should remain inside the marital union. Even if she professes to disagree with such views, childhood training becomes part of the psyche and can cause guilt which may manifest itself as resistance to have sex at all. If this is the case, I would recommend that you discontinue sex until you get married.

If you do not think that your relationship will last without sex then it probably wasn't marriage material anyway. Professional counseling is an option. However, my gut instinct is that if you two need professional counseling while you are still dating, this relationship may not have as much potential as you think it does.

The last option is also the simplest. You and she may simply have different libido levels. She may just not want sex as often as you do. If this is the case, ask yourself, if nothing changed in your sex life, could you be happy with this person forever? If the answer is no, then, as painful as it may be, you should probably break off the relationship.

No marriage can withstand a poor sex life or one in which one partner is constantly unhappy and harping at the other. Good luck.