Lefty Answers

Dear Panel,

My girlfriend and I have been together for a while and love each other very much. However, we have very different views about sex. We spend a lot of time cuddling and massaging each other, but that's where it stops.

I want sex all time, and she never wants sex. She says she just doesn't like it very much. If we get intimate 2 or 3 times a month that is a lot.

We have discussed it several times and gone over different options. We agreed to try just satisfying me once in a while, but this hasn't worked out. Every time I approach her she just turns away. She claims it is wonderful when we do actually make love, which confuses me more.

Although we haven't tried it yet, we have discussed the possibility of professional counseling. Something needs to change. This situation is making me feel rejected and causing resentment. Am I just being silly or is this a legitimate problem?

frustrated

Lefty Answers:

Dear Frustrated,

Of course it's a legitimate problem. It's been a legitimate stereotypical problem between men and women for as long as there have been dirty jokes.

Although sometimes I only want hugging and cuddling, as a guy, I am also up for some good old-fashioned gorilla sex. And yes, it can be very frustrating when it doesn't happen.

Professional counseling is an option.

You and your girlfriend are doing the right thing by discussing this and thinking about therapy. I certainly get the feeling that there's something going on in your girlfriend's head, with her saying one thing and doing another. I get that feeling that you think so too, which is why we're both confused.

I would guess that something in her background has traumatized her, which is why she turns away from you. Discussions and/or therapy are needed, but if that doesn't change the behavior, then you and your girlfriend have to work something out. And it probably will get worse over time with you getting even less sex.

So if it does not change, you have to figure out if you can handle the level of sexual activity that your girlfriend is comfortable with. That might be a compromise that you may have to make to stay with her.

Lefty

PS You might want to see what I told "Trying to be Patient" about partners with different libidos.

Tell us what you think

Site Design by: