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I still believed in happily ever after
and the word forever was not yet stricken from my vocabulary.
We Met
I met Mr. X via the Internet. We clicked
immediately (no pun intended) and we met 3 months (Valentine's
day) later after HOURS of phone conversations and HOURS of emails.
We really hit it off, I thought I was in love - and subsequently
(at age 25) gave up my virginal status. In May of that same year,
he moved in with me, and we began (what I believed) to be a permanent
relationship.
The Trouble Begins
In January of the next year, I found out
that he had racked up HUGE telephone bills on singles lines, and
then, to top it off, after coming back to me from a visit from
his home (which I sent him on every other month so he could keep
in touch with his child) I found a woman's phone number with his
things. I vented my betrayal to him verbally, and was frequently
cutting and mean. We went to counseling, found out he was bipolar
and needed medication. In September of that year, he decided that
he needed to go home to get help there, he couldn't live in California,
but he still loved me.
We Broke Up
I asked him To break it off. If
we were meant to be, we'd somehow get together again — but
for now we'd just be friends. "NO, no..." he protested,
and told me that he was going home to get better and get established
so I could move there and we could get married.
In December I moved my whole life to be
with him, only to find out that he had CHEATED on me, (only once,
but once should have been enough).
He treated me like a leper for about a
month, and said that he felt that I was trying to control his
life and he was resentful of my bigger salary. He then wrote down
a list of promises that he would keep to me (i.e., no cheating,
full disclosure, etc..) and he kept them BUT he wouldn't go to
therapy for his bipolar chemical imbalance.
He Hit Me
In October of this year, I left him. I
moved back to California NOT because he had cheated on me, he
kept his promises, but because he hit me.
Acknowledge My Faults
His reason was he couldn't handle my anger
and my hurt, (which I admittedly had a VERY hard time letting
go of, and would often berate him when I was feeling especially
hurt) and my own selfish indiscretion with a friend of ours (not
full sex, but it was sexual in nature) and that I pushed him over
the edge. I've since spoken with him (via the phone) and emailed
him. He went to therapy the week I left and has been taking medication.
(Confirmed) He Claims To Be Better, But...He claims to
be better, that he doesn't want to lose me, loves me....marry
him. THEN I find out that he's called 900 numbers every month
since I left...he claims that he did so ONLY to see if I would
check up on him and break my promise that I would trust him more
and NOT check up on him. He claims that he didn't call them for
purient interest, and that he did so because it was the only way
I could check on him and then he could tell if I was being honest
about trying to trust him again.
To His Credit
To his credit, he has offered to disclose
both bill and phone numbers to me to prove this. I love this man
dearly, because in-between the trauma has been great love and
passion...but I'm tired of waiting for the next shoe to drop.
He claims that with his medication and
therapy he's understood how much he's hurt me and that he really
doesn't want to lose me.
Should I believe him? Should I trust
that this relationship is worth it?
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