Dear Andy,

The answer is quite simple. You must forget about her immediately and focus on your wife. You have made a commitment to your wife no matter what to keep yourself exclusively for her. There are no exceptions. Your commitment has nothing to do with how you feel about your wife -- or anyone else. (And feelings are deceiving anyway!)

Secret Thoughts Lead You Closer to Action.

As I have told others at Love and Learn, you are making the biggest mistake of your life if you carry this even one step further. Secret thoughts and feelings may seem harmless and private but are very dangerous because they usually lead you closer to action. And infidelity will haunt you the rest of your life. It is never ever worth the momentary thrill you may experience. The pain of a ruined marriage and broken family will catch up with you.

Realize that this temptation can be overcome through God's help. In the Bible it states that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. If you are having trouble overcoming your feelings or temptation for this other person, ask God to help you. Invite Him into your heart and life and let Him replace your desires with the right kind of desires -- for your wife. You also need to completely avoid any situations in which you will experience this temptation.

Your Focus is Distorted.

It is also clear that your focus is distorted. Instead of looking for someone else, you need to get your focus back on your marriage and learn to appreciate what you have. Remember: the grass is always greener where you water it. Pour your energies and thoughts into your loving your wife and watch that relationship flourish!