When I first read your e-mail, my tendency was to tell you to get out of the marriage fast. What's the point of a loveless marriage? Why continue to "emotionally starve" your wife?

But I have a hunch about you. I have a hunch you'd have a hard time leaving. After all, you've had two really good opportunities to get out. The first time was when you had the attentions of your ex - yet you chose to go back to your future wife. The second time was before you had children -

Maybe its hard to leave because he never got over his ex rejecting him. His situation seems similar to Holland

it would have been relatively easy to end a marriage without kids.

Not All Love is Giddy

Boy do I agree! He should re-examine what he thinks love is.

Something has kept you there for 5 years. What is it? Not all love has the elusive "spark" - that hormone-charged, giddy, head-in-the-clouds, can't-stop-thinking-about-the-person, want-to-rip-each-others'-clothes-off feeling you get when you first fall in love.

A scientific poll of my friends revealed that 0% of them still have that giddy feeling six months into a relationship. They reported that they now have something deeper. And although the deeper love lacks electricity, it sure warms the house.

No, counseling is not going to create something that was never there. But it may help you figure out what you really want out of life. You owe it to yourself and your wife to try it.