Dear Give Me Advice,

Your situation sounds all too familiar. Girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, boy is unclear about his feelings, girl is confused. What to do?

You Need To Get To Know Him More Intimately

Is he special enough for her to bother with getting to know him intimately?

Let me start by suggesting that while you may think that you are in love with this guy, you can't truly know that until you get to know each other far more intimately (I'm talking about mental intimacy!).

It is very easy to convince yourself that you have met the perfect guy for you and to get carried away. Often, once you have made up your mind, it's hard to stop it from getting out of control.

Not Everything Someone Says Or Does Is A Sign

Everything the other person says or does has to be a sign, right? Wrong. It sounds to me like there could be a mutual attraction if when you see each other provocative smiles are exchanged. However, it is important that you have more contact with this guy. You need to talk to him and get to know him at 18 rather than from before and decide whether or not he truly is everything that you think he is. I know you said that you did have something going for a short time, but that was in the past.

People Can Change

Things change, and so do people. A guy that would dump

Find out if he's changed and tell him how you feel.

you and move on to your friend wouldn't be someone I'd recommend pursuing again. However, as you have suggested, he seems to have matured and maybe now he is ready for a more serious relationship.

Are You Sure You're Ready For A Serious Boyfriend?

If I can be blunt, I think that at the age of 16, while everyone of us (every girl) is convinced that she needs, and wants, a serious boyfriend, we are mistaken. As we get older we will have more time for these commitments and a far greater understanding of what we want.

When I was sixteen, and a sophmore in high school, I made a decision that I was not ready for a serious relationship. I would date guys on and off and have fun without feeling any sort of commitment responsibilities. There was no guy wanting to know where I had been or what I had done yesterday or an hour ago, yet I was still able to hang out with guys regularly.

I understand that we don't all want/crave the same thing, but may I suggest that you try this casual, fun idea?

If You Are Serious, You Must Communicate

However, if you are serious about snagging this guy, or at least understanding him, I think that there has got to be only this one solution: COMMUNICATION.

Maybe she should tell him how she feels.

The next time that you see him and you exchange provocative looks, try starting up a conversation. Even if the first time is just an exchange of "hi," you will be on the right track. Slowly you will be able to conjure up more guts to have entire conversations. Maybe you will eventually be able to decide for yourself if he is everything you imagine and can figure out what he is thinking.

Guys Are Often Hard To Read

He's easy for me to read. He just wants to play the field!

It is often hard to read guys. In grade school, they pulled your hair because they liked you; and now as you get older, they are either up front with you or they play games. I'd say provocative smiles can be a good sign, but they can also be dangerous. He may just be playing games with you or may be interested, but looking for something different than you. Who knows.

To Figure Out What He's Thinking, Be Open

The only way to figure out what he's thinking, and if there is potential there for you two to develop a relationship, is by getting to know him better. You need to discover whether or not there is in fact a chemistry between you. I suggest openness.

Don't Be Afraid To Make A Move

Go for it. This is no longer the time when guys had to make the first move. If you feel like making a move or just establishing verbal contact then go for it. Be careful though, you don't want to fall any harder and risk even more potential heartache.

My advice in a nutshell: If you are dying to figure out what's going on, make the move. Talk to him. Casual conversation can often lead to something more intense, and if the chemistry is there between you two, then things will work out.

You Are Still Young, Enjoy Your Time With Other Boys As Well

Remember, you are young and have a lifetime of complicated relationship stuff to deal with. It might be a good idea to sit back and just enjoy these innocent years. Right now the consequences may not be as big, and potential heartache can be avoided.

I have friends who were involved in long term, serious relationships in 9th, 10th and 11th grade and now, as they finish their final year of high school or make their way through their first year in college. Many of those girls regret allowing one guy to dominate her life for so long, at a time when she could have been enjoying her youth and more than one guy could have been fun to be with. Guys are just as unsure and confused as we are.

Good luck with whichever path you choose to take. Always remember that you do have a lot of time ahead of you. Hope you get what you want from this guy.

Good Luck,
Foxy