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Dear Herb
I sense fear in your
tone, especially since you left out the possibility of telling her
the truth (re-read your question...you asked if you shouldn't tell
her TWICE). This is a hard question for me to answer, because I
would be a hypocrite to tell you to be honest with her all the time.
The catch-22 is
that if you tell her something, you could hurt her; but if you don't
tell her and she finds out on her own, she could be more hurt.
It
Depends On Exactly What It Is You Need To Tell Her
There are some things
to consider that might help you decide whether or not to tell her:
- Is it a biggie like
you cheated on her? (I think you should tell her or she'll find
out anyway.)
- Is it something about
her--like you think she's gaining weight? (This may not be as
critical, so don't tell her.)
- Is it something that
could affect her health, like you have a venereal disease? (In
some cases you can be sued if you don't tell her!)
- Is it something that
will break her heart, like you're in love with someone else? (Tell
her, because you'll hurt her more in the long run if you wait
and fake it.)
Ultimately,
You Can't Protect Her From Being Hurt
In any case, there are
always going to be hurtful things from which we cannot protect the
ones we love. A lot of the time, we can be the source of that pain.
If you're going to tell her whatever it is you have on your mind,
be tactful and delicate when you say it.
 Be
Prepared To Deal With Any Reaction From Her
Be prepared for any and
all reactions she may have to what you need to tell her. Even if
that means her screaming, crying, wanting to be alone or never wanting
to see you again. Maybe she'll just want your shoulder to lean on.
In any case, I think you already know what you should do.
-Alicia.
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