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I love your letter. You
are so caught up with this guy, and even though he is not taking
your feelings seriously, you are having a really nice time with
him. Your pain, but also your joy comes through!
Also, even though you're
young, the issues you're wrestling with are fundamental to any relationship.
I think the bottom line is, What do you really want?
He
Wants His Cake, and He Wants to Eat it Too
He's not hard to figure
out: he's having his cake (his girlfriend) and he's eating it too
(by seeing you). He gets the love and attention of two young women,
what guy doesn't want that problem?
I think that many people
are not necessarily monogamous, and that it's usually one partner
in a relationship that feels stronger on this issue.
If
it Matters to You, Tell Him
If being the one and
only girlfriend is what matters to you, then you can't keep seeing
this guy. You shouldn't see being honest with him about your feelings
as an ultimatum, you should see it is a clear message about what
you want. If you want him to see only you. And if that is a really
important issue in relating to someone, then you owe it to YOURSELF,
not just your partner to be honest.
If you were to say to
him, "I care about you, but I can't keep seeing someone who doesn't
make me his one-and-only," you've put your honest feelings out there.
- If he breaks up with
his old girlfriend and starts seeing you, you'll know that his
feelings are true and that he's willing to pay attention to important
feelings you have.
- If he tries to pressure
you into accepting the current situation, you should ask yourself,
"Why am I bothering with a guy who can't even respect my basic
needs for security in a relationship?"
I think the ball is really
in his court. If he wants to be successful in relationships, he
can't be dishonest and disrespectful. Until someone tells him this,
he'll just keep doing it.
Write us back and let
us know what happens!!
Charlie
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