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Call me a cynic, but
I don't think love and good sex are enough.
Something
is Missing Between You Two
It is very clear to me
that something is missing in your relationship, and that letting
go would be the best thing you could do for yourself. I think his
infatuation is a symptom of something missing between you two.
The only times I've felt
infatuated outside of my close relationships were when I felt like
I wasn't getting enough of something. In some cases it was attention,
or respect, or sex, but it was clear that I was looking outside
to find what I wasn't getting inside the relationship.
What tipped me off was
that you two had a breakup, he got to be involved with the object
of his infatuation, they didn't end up together, yet he still pines
for her. In other words, she didn't take your place, but on some
level, you are not exactly what he wants.
The
Outside Interest is the Excuse
The outside interest
is the excuse for not facing his true feelings of dissatisfaction
with your relationship. Also, as long as this issue is out there,
he can never feel comfortable.
There is nothing you
can do to make him resolve the ambivalence. Therefore the best thing
you can do, for you, is to wish him well. He's got to sort it out
for himself, and playing his therapist can only hurt you.
I suppose it is possible
that after he resolves these feelings that he might come back to
you...but I really think that there is nothing YOU can do about
it. So, if it feels right to wait and see, do it. But, make sure
you're not fooling yourself, and that you're not hurting yourself
by hoping in vain.
The
Dance of Relating is the Hard Part
My belief is that in
many ways, love and sexual connection are the easy parts. It's the
dance of relating, trusting, and making it work even after the chemical
connection is there that is the hard part. Many
men never learn how to hold up their part of the partnership in
this dance.
Women's challenge is
finding one who can.
Men's challenge is learning
how to dance...
Charlie
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