First of all, it is important to understand the nature of love. Do you honestly believe that your boyfriend loves you when he is so infatuated with someone else? Because obviously he doesn't.

A man who loves you will treat you with respect, and show you how important and special you are... and he will ONLY want to be with you. This guy, on the other hand, sounds like a loser who isn't giving you what you deserve.

Don't be so fooled by the fact that he cries.... you mistake his tears for love. But rather, he might be just manipulating your emotions by crying, just to further confuse you and entangle you with him. (I've had personal experience with manipulating guys like this.) Look at his actions, not his words.

Also, stop letting him use you. He is only with you because he is not with her. (Obviously this seems to be the case, since he has been infatuated with the other girl for the last 4 years, yet been with you for only the past 2 years. You are only an alternative, since she's not there... and that is no way to be in a relationship.)

If he was infatuated with her, before and while he was starting a relationship with you... then what does that say about your role?

I say dump him. What are you getting out of the relationship anyway? You are only hurting your self-respect and self-esteem by staying in such a relationship. Don't you think you deserve someone who will treat you right and give you a full committment? I know dumping him would be very hard for you, because you are so emotionally attached to him.... but that's exactly where the problem lies.

To you, this man means everything.... but to him, you are only a fallback-- someone to hang around with, and have sex with until he finds a way to get with the younger girl. That's a very high degree of imbalance in a relationship, and only makes you very vulnerable to getting hurt by his actions. You need to pull away from him, and start a life of your own... a life that isn't defined by his presence, and centered around him. You should be with someone who can truly love you, and not someone who plays with your emotions and makes you feel awful inside.

In order to break away, there are some steps you need to take:

1. First, you need to stop being in denial, and insisting that he loves you. Take a step back and see the reality of the situation. Does this man's actions make you happy? Do you think a relationship is based on suffering and undergoing emotional pain? (NO, of course it isn't!) If you had a best girlfriend or daughter who had a boyfriend who was infatuated with another woman..... would you tell her to stick with him, or dump him quickly and get out of there? Although this is very tough, try to be as objective as you can. I know it's very easy to let one's emotions cloud one's common sense... but you've got to be strong and think clearly.
2. Secondly, if you guys are living together,... you need to move out. Being around him and having sex doesn't help your situation at all. Plus he's enjoying getting the attention of two women. He's only using you, so stand on your two feel and find a place of your own... or stay with a friend, sibling, or parent for some time.
3. Develop your own interests. Create a life in which he is not the center of. This way, when you break up with him, it would be alot easier. (This might include taking some courses in a nearby community college, or creating a fitness regimen.) You'll have other interests to take up your time... and you life won't be so empty without him. (Obviously, if you broke up with someone, and you have nothing to do with yourself... you will only feel lonely and miserable and empty inside.) Developing your interests will also promote your self-worth.... which will help you feel better and more secure about yourself, and you'll realize that he was never right for you in the first place.
4. Also, turn to friends for support. Books, tapes, and other supplementary materials are good sources of help and motivation too. One tape I personally like (though others may disagree with me) is "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. This tape gives you a reality check about relationships, and a woman's role in them. It's nice to play in the car on your way to work, and (when you're still in the middle of this kind of emotional crisis) it gives you strength to face the day.

Don't contine to say that you don't know what to do.... because you DO know what you ought to do. Sure, it might cause you some pain for the next few months (until you get over him); however, this pain is much less than the pain you will be facing by continuing to stick by him everyday and being devaluated to a merely second best. Be smart and courageous, and make the right decision. Good luck, and may the girl power be with you!

Reena