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Dear
Panel,
I am an 18 year old college student who is engaged to be married
in August —I am a very busy woman —balancing full time
college courses with a part time job and housework.
I
have been living with my fiance for 7.5 months. I consider myself
to be very loving and devoted to him —yet I feel my faults
include nagging and blaming others too often.
My
fiance is a 21 year old electrician. He also works long hours
(avg. of 50 hrs. per week). He is also loving and devoted to me,
yet very possessive.
Well,
right now I'm so frustrated- my parents agreed to pay for our
wedding, knowing full well that we intend to live together until
then. Now they are trying to withdraw their offer unless I move
back home until the wedding.
That's
one of my problems.
Secondly,
when I feel I need my fiancé most right now because of
my family situation, we are communicating worse than ever. He
accuses me of being a hypocrite- that I always get down on him
for things that I am also guilty of- yet don't acknowledge when
I'm to blame.
Well,
when I ask him for an example, to try to fix the situation, he
can't come up with one on the spot, and gets frustrated—
resorting to making personal attacks at me that are entirely off
the subject.
How
can I improve our communication? It seems like every little disagreement
we have so quickly explodes into a full-fledged war in which we
disregard all civility towards each other. I
just
want to learn how to calm an upset man into communicating openly
and peacefully about the matter at hand, not flying off into a
rage. And I know I'm partially to blame— I throw my fair
share of attacking statements, too.
What
can we do to keep things cool and collected when we both have
flaring tempers? I know we're both young, but I believe we are
both mature enough to move beyond this childish fighting! Please
help!
Frustrated
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