Jayne Answers:

Dear Love and Learner,

You want to know if you should tell him and how to tell him that you are not ready for marriage...AND a romantic relationship. I can understand why you took him up on his offer, to be his girlfriend and his fiancee...not just because you felt that you didnt want to hurt him and you cared for him but...maybe because you wanted to also.

You said your life was kinda "hectic" when you met him. He loved you and cared for you...and hey you needed someone to lean on, who wouldnt? Maybe for a brief second you thought..."maybe he could save me...maybe this could work out..." He's been there for you, gave you a place to live, gave you his love and affection...and you needed love and affection...but not neccesarily the romantic kind. But maybe you felt that you owed him that much after all youve been through. Maybe you thought, "hey I could fall in love with him..." Maybe. Maybe not.

The point is that I have the impression that you are not in love with him at all...only that you love him...and that you don't want to get married. So don't. If you love him...don't have him believe that you want to do something you don't, because when its done, he'll feel betrayed that you did it without wanting to do it...understand? :)

You should tell him that you are not ready...how you tell him...well I think you know how. The answer is deep down inside...just be honest, sincere, and let the love that you do have for him be known and be obvious while you are letting him know. Also let him know how grateful and lucky you are to have him in your life. It sounds as if he has helped you a lot. STRESS this. Stress the part where you thank him for every thing that he's done for you. Maybe you won't feel so guilty or obliged to marry him or fall in love with him or anything. No matter what he's done for you, a real friend will respect who you are and how you feel.

This man is supposed to be your best friend. If you love him...do the right thing...I think that in time he will understand.
Hope that I helped.

– Jayne

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