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The easiest way to break
off any relationship is to do it respectfully, kindly, and carefully,
but completely!
For some reason, I have
a knack for attracting the type of guy you described, so I have
learned this lesson the hard way. (Before getting married, I had
been in this situation a few times.)
I
Once Let It Linger Too Long
I remember one man, in
particular, who was so sweet and sensitive. We had developed a good
friendship, but I had no attraction to him whatsoever. I persisted
in the friendship, despite subtle cues I was getting that he was
developing romantic feelings. I denied my hunch and avoided the
confrontation because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
I
Was Too Gentle, So I Had to Break Up With Him Twice
I let the friendship
linger too long before nipping it in the bud, and when I did cut
it off, I did so a little too gently. In fact, I let him down so
gently that he really didn't get the picture. He thought there was
still a chance, so he stepped up his efforts a bit. The door was
left open a crack, which created hope in his mind. I actually had
to almost "break up" with him twice because I didn't finish the
job the first time!
So, I would recommend
complete honesty, first and foremost. It may be very hard to do,
but you need to be completely honest so that he accurately perceives
that there is no chance between you.
Don't
Let Him Thrive on a Glimmer of Hope
People like that often
thrive on even a glimmer of hope and ultimately get hurt worse down
the road when they finally realize that there is no chance of a
romantic relationship.
Secondly, I would pay
close attention to his actions (and yours) after you break the news
to him. He will be looking for that glimmer of hope. Be careful
not to inadvertently give it to him. Like I said, you don't want
to have to let him down twice. And I would take immediate action
if you feel he is ignoring your requests to leave you alone. Sometimes
these innocent attractions can become obsessions!
Finally, try to be as
sensitive to his feelings as possible and share with him why you
can't reciprocate his feelings. Maybe there are some positive qualities
you see in him, but there simply isn't a good match between you.
This takes the emphasis off of him and puts it more on the situation
or on the combination of the two of you.
This will maybe help
him receive the news without too much of a blow to the ego. If there
really is some constructive criticism that you could share with
him that would help him in future relationships, then you might
consider sharing that with him very gently. But if there simply
isn't "chemistry" there, that speaks for itself.
You will probably want
to wait for the right timing to initiate this conversation, but
don't wait too long. I realize that this is an awkward thing to
do, but as time marches on, the attraction gets deeper and it will
ultimately be harder for him in the long run to face reality.
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