Dear Heartbroken & Confused,

The easy answer to your question is that the only way to get a sense of what somebody is thinking and feeling is to ask them. Apparently you have asked him but are maybe even more confused by his answers.

Welcome to the tumultuous world of relationships. While I was reading your story, I was wondering what could be so good about this guy that you can't let it go and I started thinking about when I was in school and met my last boyfriend.

Your Story Reminds Me of My Last Boyfriend

I knew he had a girlfriend, I knew he was sleeping with somebody else, I knew he had a lot of baggage but he had this je ne sais quoi that I found myself feeling obsessed with him. I went from seeing a lot of people to not caring about anything but him. The only thing I can't tell is if it was your guy that was obsessed with you or if you are now obsessed with him. Either way, take it from me...it's not a healthy way to start any relationship.

Somehow we were able to survive for almost 3 years, but neither of us forgot the way we went into the relationship. Suppose you get together... you will always wonder if he's going to treat you like he's treating his girlfriend now. If he knows they are going to break up, why doesn't he just do it now instead of waiting until May?

He May be Feeling Smothered Now, Like You Did in the Beginning

How are you going to deal with his sudden change in attitude and temperament? On the other hand, he sounds like he is dealing with some issues...maybe you can be there for him or maybe he needs to figure things out for himself, but either way you need to realize that the same way he made you feel smothered in the beginning may be exactly how he's feeling now.

You cannot think about what you could've or should've done, but about what you are going to do about it now. I have no answers for you, but I have some suggestions.

1. Bull! You shouldn't have to wait around for someone.

   First of all, there is nothing wrong with waiting around for someone if they mean enough to you, just make sure you don't sacrifice your own happiness and sanity to do so. It's not hard to see if someone is using you.

2. Especially since the only reason they are hitting on her is what he has been telling his friends about her.

   If you do want to pursue him, do not hook up with his friends that are making passes at you. Most people are turned off by sloppy seconds and guys tend to be more so than women. If you hook up with one of them, don't expect him to give you the time of day.
3. Lastly, whatever happens...this is not the be all and end all. This might be the first time you have felt this strongly about anyone, but it is probably not the last. Try to keep things in perspective and not let all of this interfere too deeply in the normal ongoings in your life.
4. Good luck and let us know what happens!

Alicia