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Hi Aimee,
You know, its funny how
just when you think you are the only person that could possibly
be feeling this way, someone else comes along and can understand
exactly what you are saying and how you are feeling.
My first relationship
with a guy blossomed out of a very close friendship. I was a freshman
in high school and I fell madly "in love" with my best friend. One
night I decided to act on my feelings because I was pretty sure
that he felt the same way that I did. We kissed that night and kissing
lead to more kissing and then more kissing. Finally at the end of
the night we said good night and he went home. I was convinced that
"laying my cards on the table", as you have put it, was the right
thing to have done. Little did I know that it was the beginning
of the end.
To this day I don't know
whether I scared him or if he just used me that night. Basically
that was the end of our friendship and the beginning of a deep insecurity
that to this day I battle with.
Maybe
You Are Reacting to a Previous Bad Experience
I'm wondering if the
reason why you are afraid to be completely open and honest about
what you are feeling is because at some stage, even as young as
high school, you had an experience that back fired on you and as
a result you are affraid to be open about the way that you are feeling.
My only problem with
your situation is that you say that you are both very much in love
and that there is no doubt in either of your minds about how the
other feels but yet you are affraid sometimes to actually show just
how much you love this guy. As I have often advised, the most important
aspect of a relationship is complete and total openness and honesty.
You
Should Do What You Feel
If you feel like calling
your boyfriend at 3 a.m. then call him, even if it is just to say
hi. If you feel like walking up to him in public and giving him
and big hug, then do it. Especially since he has complained that
he does a lot of the calling, I would find it hard to believe that
he would be turned off by your forwardness.
Now, obviously there
is a limit to this and there can become a time where you start to
over do it. When that time comes, if he loves you as much as he
says that he does, your boyfriend will tell you that he is feeling
smothered and needs some space. What I would say you need to do
if this should happen, is give him a little bit of space but DON'T
get down on yourself for having been open.
There is nothing wrong
with it, and only by going too far can you actually come to discover
the right proportions so to speak. The only true love is that in
which you are able to completely immerse yourself in and allow yourself
to be vulnerable. It is by doing this that you will truly learn
the meaning of true love. Any partner that can't handle your openness
or forwardness may not be "the one."
I would suggest that
you stop playing games and start being real. Be yourself. It is
the key to success in any situation.
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