Dear Aimee,

Well, you certainly seem to know how to be the distant woman. Waiting for him to call you 3 times before you call back seems fairly distant to me.

Logistically speaking, what if something came up and he wanted to get in touch with you for an important matter, or to just bounce some ideas off of you? Does that mean that he'd have to call you 3 times?

When I'm upset or enthusiastic and I want to talk with someone right away, I call my girlfriend. If she's unavailable, who do you think I would call next?

I think you're right in that many people enjoy "the chase". There's something romantic about that unattainable mysterious woman (or man--I believe that this is true for both sexes). In order to get that other person hot and interested in your unattainable self, you have to play these games with him. I think that these game playing roles are certainly part of our traditional dating rituals.

Exactly! What would happen if she got married to a guy she was playing these games with?

But here's my big problem with these games. What happens when the games are over? What happens when two people finally get together and decide that they are the special ones? If the relationship was based on all the games they played, then what do they have? If you have to be mysterious in order to "catch" that guy, then what happens after he's caught?

Listen, there's got to be some balance between the games you play and having a real relationship. It seems that you might be carrying this a little too far. I have given my girlfriend the OK to call me at work, and I often look forward to her possible call to break up the day. If your partner feels comfortable with you calling him, and even complains when you don't return his calls, then it seems wrong that you would feel guilty when you have called him.

Communicate

If you truly feel comfortable with your partner and like your games but do want to carry it on to the next level, talk it over with your friend and make sure you're both comfortable with your relationship. It may be trite, but communication is important, and may help you to feel more comfortable with him. If it doesn't, you can always call him later.

Lefty