Alice:

My brother had his first child at a more, shall we say, "advanced" age, and it has been a blessing in more ways than he could have imagined. It was a child he initially did not want.

With that said, there are some serious issues to consider in making this very important judgment in your family's future.

As with most things in life, there are pros and cons to every decision we make and this is certainly one of those issues with a healthy list in both the pros and the cons column. Naturally, this is something that the two of you should hash over and decide upon.

Find Out His Real Reasons

It would have been better if they had sat down BEFORE they got married.

It's important to sit down with your husband, preferably more than once, and discuss his feelings about having a second child. What it is that he is fearful of? What are his hesitancies based upon? Does he feel this will infringe upon his retirement years? Is the financial burden too great or are there other issues that are weighing on his mind? Be a listener, not a "discuss-er" at this early stage. Hear what is going on inside of him and how he came to this decision and why. Allow him to have and express his feelings without judgment.

Here are Examples of Old Men Having Children

There are certainly men in the middle-to-end of their lifespan (of course, we never know what our lifespan will actually be so'even having children at a young age can be a gamble) who have had children and feel reborn themselves.

Take actor Tony Randall and Jerry Lewis (please take them) for instance. Tony Randall became a father for the first time in his 70's and they are having, or just had a second child. Jerry Lewis also had a second family at a more advanced age.

Talk Show host Larry King is in his 60's and he and his much younger wife are expecting their second child.

Warren Beatty and his wife are ready to have their fourth child, but 'with Warren Beatty, that cannot be too much of a surprise.

It can be done but it has to be something your husband wants with all his heart or there may be trouble ahead and a road paved with resentment.

I think that it CAN help to present these examples.

Although I've cited these examples of older men with younger women who are having children at an older age, this should not and cannot be the argument that fuels your discussion. This is your life and the future life of your husband that is at issue, and perhaps at stake. Do not compare your lives to others to determine whether or not you should have a second child at this stage.

There is something that happens to people as they get older. If they are in their fifth decade or so, they are usually daydreaming about what retirement will be like. If this is the case with your spouse, there are some serious issues to discuss and mull over. If he is going to resent another child and feel robbed of the rest and relaxation that normally comes with the "Golden Years", having another child might not be such a good idea.

What Kind of Father is He Now?

How much does your husband currently share in the day-to-day care of your current baby? Is it something that is joyful for him or something he seems to resent? You also need to consider the possibility that you might be the only parent in this family willing and able to run around after two toddlers or two teenagers after a certain time. If your husband is in his 60's he may not be anxious to partake in Little League or soccer practice. Again, the pros and cons have to be weighed and no one should feel forced into their decision. This is very important, as these manipulations can come back to haunt one or the both of you later on.

A Therapist Might Be Able to Help

I would also like to suggest that you consider seeing a therapist to hash out this very important decision that will impact both of your lives. It is sometimes helpful to have another set of ears to hear and offer feedback. The therapist may bring up issues the two of you have not considered 'both the joys and challenges of raising small children after a certain age. Again, there are many pros, and some cons as well.

I advise that you not jump into this decision without some reflection and frequent conversations with your husband. In the end, it is a decision that will impact both of your lives and you want to be able to share the joys of raising children together rather than resent the outcome, whatever the decision might be.

-- Miss Kitty