|
Dear King Bitter,
I'm all for someone
knowing what he wants and taking steps to lead life as he sees fit.
I don't think everyone needs to be in a relationship, or even interested
in pursuing one.
But I think your tone
is of some concern, and I'd like to mention some things for you
to think about.
Your
Anger Concerns Me
You seem like an intelligent
person, so I'm sure you would agree that people respond to not only
what is said, but also *how* it is said. It sounds like you are
treating the world around you with hostility, subjecting friends
to 10-minute profanity-laced diatribes against relationships. You
forbid hand-holding to take place in your presence. So, what's that
all about? It's not just that you don't find dating to be your cup
of tea, you are genuinely pissed off. Where does your anger come
from?
That being said, it does
sound like your mom is being kind of annoying. Maybe you could change
your tone a little with her, maybe try something along the lines
of, "Thanks for your concern, Mom, but I'm not interested in pursuing
that right now." (And do try to remember that it is probably genuine
concern she is feeling for you, she's just not expressing it in
a way that makes you happy.)
I am concerned about
your anger and the depression problem you mention. I am also concerned
that you don't feel like you can be close to people. In fact, I
think that is probably keeping you from understanding the point
of a relationship at all.
Even to understand what's
so great about having a relationship (friendship or romantic) you
need to open yourself up quite a bit. It can be painful, but that's
just part of the process. Holding yourself back just hurts more:
it's a losing battle. Holding back seems safe because if you are
rejected, you can comfort yourself knowing that that wasn't the
real you that was rejected.
But real friendships
and relationships only happen when you show the other person who
you really are. I think you're a better person than you think.
Please write and let
us know how you're doing.
Gillian
|
