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Boy is this story familiar!
My wife and I almost
broke up over my parents' inability to accept her, and my inability
to show her that she meant more to me than my parents.
He
MUST Choose
That's really the bottom
line in my opinion: You have got to mean more to him than his parents.
He must choose. I think that ultimately, it's how we really grow
up. We have to choose our spouses/significant others over our mothers
(for men) and fathers (for women). It's not always easy, particularly
if your boyfriend is really tied to his mom's feelings.
What did we do? We went
to a lot of therapy. Here were my phases: resenting my wife for
not getting along with my mother, resenting my mother for not getting
along with my wife, withdrawal from the whole situation (alienating
both my mother and wife), trying to play mediator between them (big
mistake!), finally realizing that my wife and my children were the
most important people in my life.
 I
Didn't Pressure Her to be With My Family
The best thing I could
do for my wife was to not put pressure on her to do anything with
my family, but to let her know that I would like her to participate.
She has slowly started
to come to more things, and to accept my mother for all of her faults.
I also made it clear to my parents where my loyalties were: with
my wife.
So, I guess the ball
is in his court. If he can't be up front with his family, maybe
he isn't ready for the full commitment to you. Until he realizes
that he must choose you first and foremost, you will always feel
slighted and not included by him.
If he's not comfortable
talking about these big issues with you (and I understand that!)
I think you two should see a therapist. He needs to do a lot internal
sorting out...
Charlie
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