Dear Tom,

You have given this relationship an amazing try. This woman left her husband, her old job, and her life in the states to be with you. She threw herself into your relationship, and is now frustrated with some of her choices.

They do seem to enjoy blaming each other.

She can blame you, if that makes her happier. You can blame yourself. But, from what you've written, the issue is that both of you have been taking out a lot of your anger and frustration with a very difficult living situation on each other.

Suicide is Serious

Yes, suicide is serious. But if she does something now, it would not be his fault.

When your girlfriend unsuccessfully tried to kill herself, how can you say there was no harm done? The fact that she was unsuccessful doesn't take away from all of the harm she felt trying to do it in the first place.

The Real Issues

What are the real issues here? Sometimes we work things out in relationships that we need to be dealing with...that's fine...if you two can talk about it and not resent each other. It sounds like there was and is a lot of resentment and anger. What were you guys doing with those feelings? Fighting might make you feel better, but obviously, since you are breaking up, it didn't resolve anything.

This Relationship is Particularly Stormy

This relationship started stormy, progressed stormy, and seems to be ending stormy. Maybe you need calmer waters.

I think you should ask yourself a lot of hard questions...you can't take care of her...she needs to do that herself. She's telling you that by moving out. Now it's time for you to move on and figure out what you did to get someone so stormy and different from you in your life.

Maybe you like stormy and different. If so, why? Why did she feel unsatisfied? What are you really looking for long term? It sounds like you may be more interested in a more traditional woman -- stay-at-home mom, family-oriented, etc.

It hurts to end a relationship, particularly if you are the one being left behind. But, ultimately, if you take the opportunity to ask yourself the hard questions about what it all means, it can be a wonderful start to new beginnings.

Good luck,

Charlie