|
Dear Steve,
Forgive me if I'm off-base
with my response, but you remind me so much of myself that
I have to share...
First of all, let me
say that you have been incredibly candid and honest with the whole
world about this painful situation. I also think that you have been
very courageous with your feelings and with the way you have conducted
yourself in your relationships.
Move
Past Girl in the Glen
I also think that you
should move past the "girl" in the glen to a woman who knows her
mind, her heart, and is as smart and focused as you clearly are.
That's what I did, and I have never looked back.
OK, what happened with
me? Why should you care? I think the reason is because you're at
a very vulnerable age. The early post-college years are tough. You're
expected to make a splash, to have your head on straight, and to
know what you want for the future. And, we think we do. To paraphrase
Bob Dylan: I'm far younger now (at 35) than I was then.
I got married at 22
to a woman I'd had a three year relationship with. It all seemed
so perfect, but it inevitably fell apart because as old and mature
as we felt, we didn't count on the huge range of changes and growing
that occurred during the next few years. We grew further and further
apart, and didn't know how to come back together in a healthy way.
In fact, we really married out of a desperate attempt to "save"
the relationship.
Your desperation
and desire for this "Girl in the Glen" are misguided.
My guess is that you are hearkening back to a time when things
seemed blissful, uncomplicated and easy. And, compared to
college, the rest of your life will be complicated, boring,
responsibility-laden, and too-often routine.
The solution is to seek
new challenge and not look back.
I suggest you read what
girl in the glen says about both you and her new boyfriend, Matt.
You come across as a thing of the past. A wonderful love...but a
former love. Matt may not be the THE ONE, but he's not far off either
literally or figuratively.
I was also struck by
the difference in tone between the two letters. You are clearly
depressed, serious, committed, and clear in your devotion. She seems
whimsical, casual, and kind of off-on-her-own.
Do yourself a favor.
Let her go. You'll hurt, but you'll emerge from the pain more clear,
happier, more self-reliant and ready for the next challenges in
love and life.
Lose the girl...find
the woman!!
Love,
|
