Me:

Call me Girl in a Glen. I am a 23 year old girl. I graduated from college in 1998. I was an English major. I now work in Texas as a recruiter for a software company. I eventually want to go back to school to get my masters in English so I can become a teacher. I love animals, reading, and shopping. I think I am pretty grounded and logical. I also think I'm pretty cute.

Steve, My Ex- Boyfriend

Steve is my former boyfriend. He was a year behind me in school. Total opposite of me: crazy, perverted, funny, wacky guy with jokes coming out ever which way. His life long dream has been to become a doctor. He is now in his first year of med school in Indiana. The first six months of our relationship were awesome: he was so attentive and wonderful. It was downhill from there. He was still wonderful, but couldn't devote the same amount back to me. I am totally in love with Steve and always imagined spending the rest of my life with him, and would still like to... but I'll get to that part later.

Matt, Current Boyfriend

Matt is my current boyfriend. He and I started dating in December. He dresses better than me, dances better than me, cooks better than me, cleans his apartment more than me, and is all around awesome. Matt's previous relationships have ended in disaster because the girls always dump him to go back to their ex-boyfriends The last one cheated on him first.

Matt is so attentive. I get flowers all the time. We spend all day doing nothing together. He likes doing what I want to do. And vice versa. I enjoy the day to day fun we have, but I don't think it can go any further. I am so incredibly attracted to him --both his mind and body-- but I don't think I could love him as much as Steve.

I Met Steve in College

Once upon a time...a girl (me) went away to school and met the wackiest guy ever, his name was Steve. No one ever imagined they could get together because she was beautiful and popular and normal; he was crazy, silly, and a total goofball. She liked him because of all that. They started dating in January of 1997 and fell in love. It was the first serious relationship for them both.

The following year, he got busier with school. The relationship was still wonderful, but they had occasional fights because she was willing to give him anything and everything, but he had to concentrate on studying. They were both in the wrong, but their love maintained.

I Reluctantly Agreed to Break Up

Come on, We BOTH agreed that we should break up.

She graduated in June of 1998. She didn't know what she really wanted to do in life, so she went back home to work at a decent job. He thought it best that they break up. She reluctantly agreed. In September of 98, she started dating someone else --Corey. Corey wasn't exactly the best choice of men (he did drugs... bad drugs), but she was silly and liked him for other reasons.

So Steve decides he wants her back, so she runs back to him. She dumps Corey instantaneously and heads back to Steve.

We Kept Breaking Up

But the relationship doesn't work out. The following January (1999), he is ready to try again. So they get back together. This time things seemed to be good. They lasted until his graduation in June of 1999 and beyond. The girl moved to Austin, TX, for a super duper job. Steve came to visit the girl in Austin.

Then, Steve started med school. And things got worse.

He Broke Up So He Could Concentrate on Med School

You're right. I freaked in Med School. I was a little boy.

And they had to break up because he couldn't handle maintaining a long-distance girlfriend in Texas and doing med school in Indiana at the same time.

Don't worry about how it would seem to Jerry Springer, worry about how it would feel to YOU.

So she decided that was it. She had degraded herself enough. She wasn't going to go back to him and end up like those codependent chicks on Jerry Springer.

I Gave Up on Steve, then I Met Matt

She thought she was over Steve, and started to date Matt. Matt kicks ass in every way. He's the ultimate boyfriend. But he's no Steve. She realized how much she still loved Steve and in the back of her mind longed for them to get back together.

So in February of 2000, she told Steve how much she missed him. Astonished because he felt the same way, Steve professed his love once again for her.

He Hurt Me Every Time that I Trusted Him

However, she had developed feelings for Matt and wasn't going to let that relationship go to pot and didn't want to end up on Jerry Springer as one of those chicks who keeps coming back to a bad thing (even though it wasn't a "bad thing"... he has just been selfish).

Should I Go Back to Steve?

So for the past two and a half months, I have been trying to figure out if I should go back to Steve because I love him and I know he has changed. Or if I should just enjoy myself and stay with Matt.

It Kills Me that I am Hurting Both Steve & Matt

But you will keep hurting both of them until you make up your mind.

Matt knows exactly what is up and this is driving him crazy. But to hear Steve cry like he does... it kills me. On the other hand, I would hate myself if I hurt Matt; he's been nothing but wonderful to me.

I don't know if I should go back to a boy, or stick with the new one.