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Dear Hopeless,
This sounds like a
question that was asked a few weeks ago. A fellow named Sean
had a problem with his girlfriend. It seems she broke up with him
without telling him why, or rather she just started hanging out
with other people, acting differently and spending less time with
him and being emotionally distant.
I don't really know
all of the details involved with you, but with him, part of his
problem was that he was "Mr.. nice guy" trying to please his girlfriend
even at his own expense just to make her happy. But really it was
to try to "keep" her.
You say that you may
have ruined the relationship a little by how you reacted, and you're
very perceptive for realizing that there may have been some things
that you did wrong too.
But its not really your
fault. Like I told Sean, its just that you guys are growing up.
Puppy love may have been all good in high school but you guys are
getting to be adults, handling your own life and making your own
decisions.
Reality
is Scary
Things are getting very
different. Reality sets in and you realize that your whole entire
life and future is ahead of you....and its scary isn't it?
This changes people.
They may become more pensive, think a lot more about things about
their lives and their own issues. Your boyfriend (or ex or whatever)
probably changed and now the drug use and the other negative things
are just results of not feeling in control or being confused.
He's using distractions
to deal, or to not deal, with whatever because the world he's in
is getting bigger and scarier, and the fact that his friends may
be influencing him because they don't want him to exactly be with
you may be a factor.
But
He Shouldn't Abandon You
In either case he shouldn't
abandon you (the one person who's been his best friend all that
time when his own friends dumped him) for his friends. He says he
loves you but people who love you shouldn't do that to you, and
if his friends are gonna be total jerks about you and him, then
he doesn't need them either
But he has to realize
that on his own. You're changing too, and the best thing that you
can do is to realize any faults and mistakes you've made so you
won't do that when you're in a relationship again.
You
Deserve Closure
I don't know how much
you agree with me on this one about the other stuff, that's completely
subjective. But what you wanted to know is whether to pursue him
or not. Well I'll tell you one thing, it seems like you need closure.
. and you deserve closure.
If talking to him to
figure how and why you guys went wrong or whatever can help to achieve
this, then be brave and strong and just talk to him.
Be warned though, asking
for closure doesn't necessarily mean that you guys are going to
start new, it just gives you the opportunity to move on. Maybe he
needs some time apart from you to examine things and maybe you do
too.
If you really want this
and he's really receptive to you, take things exxxxxxtra slooooow.
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